Quotes From College

Here are a few random quotes from college. Thought some people might get a kick out of them.


Clay:
So there were all these artists at this British concert that was supposed to raise awareness for some sort of thing…

I don’t know how to talk to girls. Like, what do you say? I don’t know what to talk about cause girls are dumb.

The toughest paper I had was when I wrote a paper about myself. It was about my whole life. It was three pages.

I like to talk with my friends. I find it enjoyable, relaxing, and invigorating. Of course, that last word describes my conversation with my female friends. All one of them.


Clay:
So this band from another church came over to our church to play. One of the girls in the band was really hot, and I wanted to go talk to her, but I didn’t.
Me:
Why not?
Clay:
Because she was so hot.
Me:
Dude, that’s a reason why you should, not why you shouldn’t.
Clay:
Yeah, well I didn’t talk to her, but Patrick did. And it turns out she was dumb, so it would have been perfect. I tried for like an hour to find her on Myspace later on that evening, but I couldn’t find her.


Brett (on philosophy class with Dr. Morley):
We’d go over some article that would be like 10 out of 100 people like video games and he’d go on and on about people liking video games and then he’d use some big word like colostofaulk, and then he’d conclude that philosophy was the study of thoughts.


Brett (after seeing “The Godfather”):
I liked it, but I don’t think it was top 5. I mean, you have Lord of the Rings 1, 2, and 3, and then Pirates 1 and 2.
Jared:
Brett, why do you like pirates so much?
Brett:
Is it wrong to like swashbuckling adventures? Is it wrong to like high seas swashbuckling adventures? Jared, why do you like school so much?


Brett:
My grandmother is 50% Scott and 50% Irish.
Jared:
You’re 100% full of crap.
Brett:
You are 50% poop that I pooped out, and that’s a lot of poop.


Brett: (on John MacArthur's sermon on the Great Commission):
I didn't hear John MacArthur's “go out and multiply” speech.


Brett:
Thou shalln’t hath revenge, Jared.


Jared:
I've always been very self-aware. I'd be in kindergarten doing something, and think, “I'm acting like a kindergartener right now."


Matt Telle:
I had a double-double: 10 rebounds and 10 trips up the floor.


Justin Lehtonen (describing a wedding night):
If you have the perseverance of the saints, you won't need the sword of the spirit.


Daniel Andrews:
I didn't know hairy guys until I went to college. At college you meet the hairiest guys. Two or three of your best friends will be like the hairiest guys.

Oriental names come from the sound a spoon makes when it falls down a flight of stairs.


Stephen:
If you show up late to work with an energy drink, does that automatically mean you hate your job?


Dan Weaver:
This guy who’s really smart asks the prof all these difficult questions and the prof is like, “Well, that’s a good question, we can’t really say for sure on that one.” And I just feel stupid and the best I can come up with is, “Yeah, do we get 3 quiz drops or 4?”


Brusuelas:
If you’re offended by anything I say, you’re an idiot.

When I was young I saw something that nearly broke my mind: it was a sign that said: “non-inflammable.”

Her lips said, “You’re an idiot,” but her eyes said, “Read my lips.”

A girl told me she wanted someone just like me. I didn’t understand. “I’m as close to me as you’re going to get!!” I realized that she was able to go off and have the “bad” boyfriend, and then when he treated her like trash, she could come let all her troubles out on me. It was a perfect system.

(attempting a Mitch Hedberg-like joke)
If water is on the ground, it is not ok to drink. But if it is in a river that is always on the ground, it is ok to drink. Water on the ground is only ok to drink if it is moving fast.

(another attempt)
We offer brunch. It is a snack that occurs between breakfast and lunch. I thought of trying to make a snack between lunch and dinner, but it didn’t work. It would be called dunch or linner. That does not sound appetizing.


Lewis:
Ok, new law for when I start my own country: no black men dressing up as fat women.


Seth (on the Shakira song, “Hips Don't Lie”):
When you’re dancing with a girl in the club, you can tell what she thinks about you, based on the movement of her hips. A girl can lie with her mouth, and maybe a little with her eyes, but she cannot lie with her hips.


Tim:
How’s crap?
Rob:
It’s pretty good.
Tim:
Yeah?
Rob:
Yeah.
Tim:
Tight, dude.
Rob:
I know.